January 28

 I forgot to update this blog last week.  Things got away from me, I guess.  Well that and I was frustrated as Hell at my son because even though he did well the first week of our new behavior plan, he tanked during the entire 2nd week.  I don't know why he is so stubborn.  I am sure he's a product of his parents as his dad and I are both very stubborn people - stubborn to a fault - stupidly stubborn, so I will take the blame for it.  ;-)  Last week was so hard.  He was doing so well until one day, we stopped off at the mall so my daughter could get use her gift card for new makeup.  Knowing how much Ross HATES the mall, I reminded him (just like Lauren said) that we were going to do something he hates to do but if he was really good, we would leave quickly and he would earn 2 stars (1 extra for going to the mall).  He was all for it.  Good sign.  Until.....dun dun dunnnnnn - he asked if he could just stay in the car while we went into Macy's.  I told him that wasn't possible or safe and that we would only be a minute, then it was on.  It was ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!  See this sweet child to the right here?  Well, when he gets pissed off, he turns into this:

 

 

(Artwork courtesy of Hannah Frank)

ROFL!  Hannah drew this about 6 or 7 years ago when she was in elementary school.  I have always loved this picture, lol.  So anyway, he turned into the infamous Dr. Dreadful and once that happens, it's almost impossible to shut down.  I made him come into the mall with us and he was so mad, he was cussing!  I tried to remind him that he is working for stars so he can get that reward he wanted so badly (dinner at McDs, I think) but he wasn't listening to any of it.  We finally made it into the cosmetics department and I had him sit quietly in the chair and we would be done really quick.  He proceeded to ask me "Well, what if I don't?  What if I don't want to do what you say?  What are youuuuuu gonna do about it?"  He's right.  What will I do?  What CAN I do?  He's already lost most of his privileges and it's not like I'm going to beat him (which I really wanted to do, lol - not really, but seriously, yes I did) so all I can do is give him a nasty look and try to scare him quiet.  Didn't work.  Then I was called a bully and he said everything was all my fault and blahblahblah, yadayadayada.  Same ol' shit he says all the time.  I'm sure, if you have a child like mine, you've heard the same things.

 

Macy's didn't have the makeup.  @^$%$@#  Guess what, Ross?  We get to go to DILLARDS!!  "OH MY GOD!!!" said Ross, LOL!  And the rant began again.  I tried to make him think about Lauren's anger chart and figure out what number he was at.  3 for mediocre?  4 for really mad?  How about 5 for "about to blow a gasket"?  that's what Ross named level 5, the highest level on the anger chart - The chart asks you to identify and write what each stage looks like.  He said 3 looks like I don't know because I can't read what he wrote but 4 looks like "screaming and red faced" and 5 looks like "blow a gasket", LOL. Then it asks him to write what it feels like and finally, to write what he can do to stop it. Kinda makes him have to think about it.   So I asked him to tell me where he was ( he was a 5) and what he could do about it.  He said "I don't give a crap what I can do, I LIKE IT!  I'M NOT GOING TO STOP" and just kept it up.  I finally walked away.  I could not calm  him, I could not reason with him, I had to let it run its course.  The final straw came when we got to Dillards and I asked him to PLEASE calm down so we could have a nice night together.  He refused and kept walking towards the door, bitching and whining about stuff and that's when I had had enough.  He was just about to go inside the door of the shoe department, acting like an ass and talking smack.   "Ross, you stop right there!  You have now lost your trip with Ethan to the Stock Show!!"  Ross stopped dead in his tracks.  He turned around and looked at me completely bewildered and said - get ready for it - "Why??  What did I do?"

 

Face palm - smh!

 

I won't get into what went on afterwards but I will say, it worked like a charm and I was able to give him what for and make him settle his butt down.  I swear to God I didn't have one problem from him the rest of the night.  Of course, he was in his room for most of the time after we got home, but at least I found the right button to push.  I was hoping that by now the herbal/holistic meds would have kicked in and started making a difference in his ADHD and focusing but there's not very good news on that front.  I can' t see a difference at all, he's still acting like a weirdo in class.  I just hate to put him back on Ritalin.  He hates that medicine and it agitates him more than anything.  It also makes him feel sick to his stomach.  He fights me about taking it so I'm not going to give it to him if he feels that strongly about it.  I would be nuts to keep doing that to him.  The only thing the doc suggested - get this - was to give him more medicine.  She shot me down on the herbal/holistic stuff and told me she wouldn't even talk about it with me because none of it's been tested by the FDA and wawawaawwawawawawa.  She was kind of a bitch about it.  Oh well....what do you do?

 

I digress.....for the most part, he did well with the star chart.  Then it got to where he would try to manipulate me with the starts and what should earn stars.  Then he just started adding extra stars altogether even though he didn't earn them.  I found it very surprising that, according to the chart, Ross had earned 10 stars in just a few hours after coming home from his dad's.  Ppfft!  Cheater!  ;-)  He finally has gotten to the point where he doesn't give a shit about stars and he's going to keep up the arguing and the whining and the whole trying to get out of doing what I ask.

Lauren came today and worked with Ross on  his organization skills, or lack thereof.  We also decided to try a different kind of chart.  This one is we make a list of daily chores/tasks and put a box to the side of it.  If he does the task as asked, with minimal issues, he gets a yes.  But if he gives me too much of a problem, we add another square so he has to get one more yes before he reaches his goal and can get the reward.  I am praying that it works.  I had a whole bunch of Rossisms to give tonight from the past week and some of them were really funny but stupid me accidentally reset the message settings on my phone and it erased them all.  For those of you who don't know what Rossisms are, they are weird, odd and/or freaking hilarious things that Ross says during either an observation he's made or a very inappropriate joke or comment.  Let me see if I can remember any of them:

 

ROSSISMS:

 

Me:  Ross, how was Social Thinking class tonight?

Ross:  It was fine.  We did some really nasty things in there.....(meaning sexual things)

 

Ross:  Mom, I was wondering if it was possible to fart and then have your butt suck it back in.   

 

Ross:  ::mocking his sister:: I'm Hannah and I'm hella-gay!! 

 

Ross:   Mom, have you ever French kissed someone? ( why he asks this i have no clue)
Me:  Yes, honey, i have.
Ross: That's nasty. Please tell me you didn't get tongue-tied! 



 

 

There are many more but I can't go throughout Facebook to find them all because I'm just too tired to do it, but I will make a point to publish them as I get them.  I fixed my text messaging so that my daughter can text them to me when we hear Ross say something and I can't write it down.  He's really a good kid but, my Lord, he is rough to take sometimes.  The boy needs a dad.  Some male influence that he can count on, that will help him navigate adolescence and teach him to become a man.  Maybe one day it'll happen, until then I'll keep on teaching him the best I can.  It's hard to be mom and dad for a regular child, much less a special needs child.  But I'm doing it and I'm not quitting and I'm not giving up.

He has Social Thinking class tomorrow night and I have parent training (really, it's parent bitching, lol) so maybe I will have something else to report back.  It's a slow process and a slow blog, I realize that.   Sorry if it's boring but I am hoping that some interesting things happen that will actually be...well..interesting.  ;-)

Jen

January 22, 2013

:-)  This picture is a little old and he's 13 now, not 10 (or 11?)  but this is my "sweet" child playing his Nintendo DS game.  A game that he can no longer have because he turns into a monster when he gets it.  I finally started to only allow it when we went shopping at the mall because he HATES shopping.

Anyway, this week was pretty good.  He has done really well maintaining his temper and staying polite.  We still have much to work on, though.  I have noticed a couple of times where he started to get really upset but he was able to stifle it and work through it.  He's earned some stars and even got to go to a few places he wanted to go.  So far, he's gotten to watch Frankenweenie,  he earned an hour of play on his Nintendo DS, he earned a favorite game to be played and he earned a trip to CiCi's Pizza which we will never, EVER do again!  EVER!  God that place is nasty!  Just nasty!  There was sticky goo on the edge of the seat, no clean tables and the pizza tasted like dogshit, I'm not kidding!  BAD!  I looked over at Ross at one point and he's just munching away, happy as can be, LOL.  I told him to enjoy it now because we won't ever be back!  ;-)  One interesting tidbit:  while we were standing in line, there were 3 girls in front of us and all of them were dressed very skate-punk.  They had piercings in their faces and colored hair, the works!  Ross didn't want to stand in line or be patient and wait for his turn to get pizza and he got very vocal about it.  People were staring and the girls kept looking over at Ross.  I apologized for his rudeness and I made Ross sit down at a table and wait for me.  Then one of the girls turned to me and said "If it makes you feel any better, I have autism."  She knew right away what I was dealing with.  She seemed nice and she had friends and she tried to make me feel better.  I thought that was so sweet of her.  She told me she has Asperger's, too.  Maybe one day, Ross will be able to have friends to go eat with and hang out with....I pray every day for that.

 We are now working towards a trip to McDonald's where he wishes to be "super-sized", lol.  We watched the movie Super Size Me and ever since, he can't stop thinking about it.

There have been a few close calls but for the most part, he's done well.  His behaviorist, Lauren, will be over tonight going over some new rules and new ideas for unwanted behavior outside of the home.  I would love it if she could make him a friendly shopper.  ;-)  Yeah, not gonna happen.  I seem to be calming down some myself and letting the plan do its thing.  It's been better in the house.  Not as much loudness, not as much yelling, although it is hard to change certain behaviors ( of mine) but I'm sure trying.

Tomorrow, Ross starts his Social Thinking Class at 6pm.   He will be in with other kids like himself and I will be in parent training.  I can't wait - I am actually looking forward to this.  :-)

We shall see how it goes.  Peace!

Jen

Thursday, January 17th

I didn't get to write last night because my daughter was sick and had to go take her to Crap Care Now for flu test but here is what I wanted to write:

Ross woke up in a mood this morning.  He did NOT want to get out of bed and that's pretty typical of him - unless you start talking about snow on the ground then he's up like a bolt of lightening - so I don't give it much thought.  But he started getting kind of rude so I took a deep breath and remembered the Star Board.  I told Ross that we need to get up so we can earn more stars today and he changed his whole attitude right then.  He sat up and got himself awake and came in the dining room to eat breakfast.  Gooooood!  :-)

I didn't give him his Ritalin this morning.  I gave him strawberry oatmeal, toast and his new Attend which is a holistic/herbal supplement that I'm trying at the advice of the nice Chinese lady that owns the heath food store down the street.  She says she has lots of customers with kids like mine that LOVE this stuff and every time I go to look at it, there are only a few left in the box - good sign.  It has to build up in his system, though, for about 2 weeks before I will see any changes.  I feel bad for his teachers.  I'm getting notes from them about his increased wiggliness and sillyness and distraction.  Fingers crossed and prayers prayed!

Hannah was ill and I had to take her to the doc which meant Ross had to go to his grandmother's while I was gone.  Ross begged and begged me to let him stay home because "I'm old enough and I knowsthe rules and I won't leave the house, or choke the dog or play with the stove or poor gasoline on the floor and light it or open the doors or ANYTHING!"

LOL!  You should have seen him working me.  He said I could trust him (HAH!) to make good choices and I really didn't want to take him and risk him getting sick so I let him stay behind.  I left him my phone in case of emergency and he said he would be a good boy and watch his movie and eat his pizza.  I did call and check on him once and he said "I'm ok, mom, I'm following ALL of the rules.  You can trust me!!"  :-)

I got home and he had, in fact, followed the rules.  He didn't get on the computer, he didn't watch South Park and he didn't watch Netflix or play the Wii (he got grounded from those).  However, I did notice he made some calls from my cell phone.  Really, Ross?  You called my physical therapist?  Why?  :-)   He also called his dad and the totally ignored him while he finished his game of Monkey Blast, LOL! 

He earned his stars, btw.  Three more and he gets Nintendo DS time.  God help us all because he turns into kind of an asshole when he's playing that stupid game.

JTF

Ross - An Introduction

This is my son, Ross, and his favorite sidekick, Buddy.  No, there is nothing dripping off his chin, it's a pixel or something stupid.  This is a blog about our life.  It's kinda crazy and kooky and sometimes it's out of control but we're working on that.  I will be posting his progress with his new behaviorist (she's mine, too, lol) and I will also be posting his "ROSSISMS" here as often as possible.  

Rossisms are funny quotes from my son that make perfect sense to him but not to the average perrson. They are sometimes extremely inappropriate but funny and sometimes they are just really sweet and real.  His reality is sometimes mixed with cartoons and he has a hard time figuring out what cartoons are real and which ones aren't.  :-)

Ross is 13 years old, but insists he's a grown man, and he is on Ritalin for ADHD.  I am not a fan of the stimulant meds anymore as they seem to be backfiring more than helping lately.  I am going to try a new, holistic approach with him and try to get him to re-learn some of the behaviors he's gotten used to in the wonderful public school system here in Fort Worth - yes, there will be a heavy use of sarcasm in this blog.  He's 5'8" tall, he wears a freakin' size 11 shoe for his meatloaf feet and wears a 32 length pant.  He's growing like a weed!  Speaking of weed, if I find a doc in town to prescribe him some medical marijuana, we WILL be testing it.  So here we go - off to the world of Autism and Ross Lynn.

 

Our adventure begins with last night's meeting with Lauren, our new behaviorist.  He knew she was coming so he was ready for her.  He's been asking me to take him to the doctor to cure his autism.  I have to tell him there is  no cure and it really ticks him off sometimes.  He knows he's different and he knows he can't control some of his behaviors but he wants to learn.  This is where Fran Templeton, the woman who runs Spectrum Autism in Fort Worth, Texas, comes in.  She's going to be teaching us new ways to interact with each other.  My daughter, Hannah, is also going to be a part of this.  Ross is kind of a jerk lately (a-hole, really) but tonight he was right on target with wonderful behavior and using very good table manners.  Of course he was!  <eyeroll>

One of the things we made was a star chart so he can earn all of his stars and watch a movie he likes - Frankenweenie!  This is all very typical ABA stuff and things I already know from working with him in his younger years.  I told Hannah how gay I felt for doing such simple-pimple routines but hey, they were working and there wasn't any yelling or challenging me and we had perfect harmony all night.  I can be gay for that.  

***disclaimer***

For all the wussies out there that just choked on their chips for my use of the word "gay", please note I did not use this word in a derogatory fashion against gay people.  I am a child of the 80's - EVERYTHING was "so gay" and I have many gay friends I love that also use this same expression.  So before you go accusing me of hatin' on gays or being a gay basher, shut up.  I have free speech and if you know me, you know I absolutely mean no harm.  Back to the blog:

So we had a really good morning this morning, too.  He woke up a little iffy but the moment I said "Hey, sweetie, let's get up and earn some more stars", he changed his attitude and got up nicely.  He also cleaned up after himself after breakfast <thud> and rinsed his bowl in the sink.  I asked Lauren if she would come and live with his last night, LOL.  But this morning was good and he was quite the chatter box.  I did not give him his ritalin this morning, either.  Crap, I forgot to tell his teacher!  Anyway, he did well this morning.  I will update later with tonight's experience.  I am sure I will feel much better after he begins his social thinking classes and I have my parent training classes.  It's not when he was little, people, we're dealing with adolescence here and that and autism are two very volatile issues.  Back soon with more details......

OK - I'm back!  Ross had an itchy day at school and has also come up with a new name for one of his friends who apparently does NOT like it.  Ross thinks because HE thinks it's funny, so should his friend.  He nicknamed him "squiddly" or something stupid.  It balanced out because the boy in the wheelchair that Ross takes to the lunch room likes to punch Ross in the stomach.  He calls it the "Mexican Punch".  I guess that means that mexicans like to punch people in the gut without warning, according to *****.  I just realized I probably shouldn't use real names just in case someone gets angry.  We will rename the kid WCK for wheelchair kid - and shut up, I'm not trying to be ugly.  Ok, screw it, we'll call him Jose.  Jose works better.  Jose thinks it's funny to punch Ross in the stomach and Ross thinks it's funny to call his teacher Mr. Big Nose and his other classmate, Squiddly.  I have a hard time keeping these characters together.

Ross did really well last night because he only had 2 more stars to earn before he got his movie reward.  I went to the gym and prayed he would not have another meltdown while I was gone.  I got home and Hannah said he did really well and had a snack and watched a cartoon.  Ross earned his next star.  Then I asked Ross to clean up his mess and he did,  with no objections, and earned his 14th and final star.  He got his movie.  LOL.  He also said "Mom - mom - mom - mom....I have to call Lauren now and tell her I got all of them".  (she made a note on his board to call her when he completed his goal)   He actually called her on my phone and when she answered he goes "HULLO"  and then gave me this look like he was all embarrassed and then told her all about his final star.  He was really proud of himself.  :-)

We watched Frakenweenie ( I cried twice) and then went to bed, happy and quietly.

Kudos to Ross on a job well done.